What a boy needs

Got this idea of googling "Kenneth needs" from a friend. The results:

"Kenneth needs a family that can provide him with love, guidance, patience and a permanent committment."

"...Kenneth needs to be banned, or at least punished and his user page forcibly blanked"

"Kenneth needs a Satellite Dish"

"Kenneth needs help dealing with his anger over his life situation."

"Kenneth needs to initiate the monthly invoicing process."