Family values & childlessness
I think a lot of women are going to be really angry in 20 years. We're in the midst of a shift in cultural values about sex, marriage and family structures. And when it's over, one old idea will probably have fallen into disuse, but by then, it will be too late for many women to reap the benefit. The idea up for extinction: First marriage, then kids.
I know there are plenty of examples of folks not buying into this notion. The couples that don't feel they need government or church recognition of their relationship. And there are the few women that elect to become single moms. But most don't do this voluntarily. The reason many couples who live together elect to formalize their bond? Time for kids. Must get married first.
And there are clearly practical reasons for this. Raising a kid alone is a killer. Hell, raising a kid with two parents is a killer. It's enough to make you want to live in tribal bands. And it's not just the time and energy drain but the financial drain. Two parents is easier than one.
It just strikes me as odd that we haven't made this leap as a society yet. Sex before marriage is now ok. Getting married and unmarried is ok. Having a "parent" in the house that isn't a biological parent is still the stuff of TV dramas and sit-coms, but no one bats an eye. But reproduction outside of the marriage contract is still a bit scandalous.
I think there may be some valid behavioral biological reasons for this. A female ought not to risk investing resources in an offspring that a male may not invest in equally. "You provide a squirt of gene juice, and I provide 18 years of care and feeding? Not a fair trade." Her circuitry will probably be appropriately wired such that she won't feel like making babies with a guy unless she feels like he'll stick around. There would be good evolutionary reasons for this. Females that were wired to be easy going missed their chance to screen for quality genes. Only the picky bitches got the best gene juice. And those who failed to get male resources along with the gene juice probably didn't have as high a survival rate for their offspring. Those who were good golddiggers could afford more babies surviving to reproductive adulthood, thus delivering more copies of the "marry me first" gene to the subsequent generation.
But we're more than our biological programming. And if women with rapidly approaching expiration dates on fertility insist on first acquiring a man, and then getting pregnant, I think many will miss their chances. And this is sad. If they really want kids, they should just have the kids. I think some of them really do just want kids. But my feeling is that many who want "kids" really want "a husband who will fulfill his legal and socially contractual obligation to take care of me and my kids". And so they wait for a man.
In my opinion, if a woman wants kids, she should seek out some good DNA and make herself a baby. If she wants a romantic companion, she should seek out a guy she likes. I don't think these two desires need to be linked. And when all the women who miss their shot at kids because they were too busy chasing husbands have that "I could have had a V8!" moment when they realize they wanted A but asked for B all because they bought into some outdated notion of social acceptability, they're gonna be really pissed off.
I know there are plenty of examples of folks not buying into this notion. The couples that don't feel they need government or church recognition of their relationship. And there are the few women that elect to become single moms. But most don't do this voluntarily. The reason many couples who live together elect to formalize their bond? Time for kids. Must get married first.
And there are clearly practical reasons for this. Raising a kid alone is a killer. Hell, raising a kid with two parents is a killer. It's enough to make you want to live in tribal bands. And it's not just the time and energy drain but the financial drain. Two parents is easier than one.
It just strikes me as odd that we haven't made this leap as a society yet. Sex before marriage is now ok. Getting married and unmarried is ok. Having a "parent" in the house that isn't a biological parent is still the stuff of TV dramas and sit-coms, but no one bats an eye. But reproduction outside of the marriage contract is still a bit scandalous.
I think there may be some valid behavioral biological reasons for this. A female ought not to risk investing resources in an offspring that a male may not invest in equally. "You provide a squirt of gene juice, and I provide 18 years of care and feeding? Not a fair trade." Her circuitry will probably be appropriately wired such that she won't feel like making babies with a guy unless she feels like he'll stick around. There would be good evolutionary reasons for this. Females that were wired to be easy going missed their chance to screen for quality genes. Only the picky bitches got the best gene juice. And those who failed to get male resources along with the gene juice probably didn't have as high a survival rate for their offspring. Those who were good golddiggers could afford more babies surviving to reproductive adulthood, thus delivering more copies of the "marry me first" gene to the subsequent generation.
But we're more than our biological programming. And if women with rapidly approaching expiration dates on fertility insist on first acquiring a man, and then getting pregnant, I think many will miss their chances. And this is sad. If they really want kids, they should just have the kids. I think some of them really do just want kids. But my feeling is that many who want "kids" really want "a husband who will fulfill his legal and socially contractual obligation to take care of me and my kids". And so they wait for a man.
In my opinion, if a woman wants kids, she should seek out some good DNA and make herself a baby. If she wants a romantic companion, she should seek out a guy she likes. I don't think these two desires need to be linked. And when all the women who miss their shot at kids because they were too busy chasing husbands have that "I could have had a V8!" moment when they realize they wanted A but asked for B all because they bought into some outdated notion of social acceptability, they're gonna be really pissed off.
posted by Kenneth at 6:37 AM
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