Impending drama

There's something on K's mind that's clearly a big issue, but she's waiting to talk to me about it.

Her apartment – a truly fabulous place at a fantastic price – was just sold out form under her.

It's been her refuge as she's gone through divorce, the death of her dad and figuring out life.

So now she must move.

And it's making her take stock of her life.

It's clear she's asking the "What have I done with my life?" and "What do I want?" questions.

Because there are many issues the move will touch on for her.

She must consider: Do I rent, or buy?

If I'm renting, am I there for the short term or long term?

If it's the short term, is that because I'll be buying?

Or is it because I'll be moving in with someone?

If I'm buying, what am I buying?

What if what I can best afford is outside the city?

How much place do I need?

Room for a guy?

Room for kids?

If I want a permanent guy and kids, what am I doing with Ken?

And I think that's the issue. I think she's finally come to the conclusion I've seen as our inevitable cracking point: She has faith in relationships and wants children. I'm afraid women are out to steal my economic and temporal freedom, and I'm not keen on being anyone's daddy any time soon. K is great. But I'm having a hard enough time thinking of myself as "off the market" and "committed", albeit in whatever temporary state "dating" implies. I'm not going there.

But if K wants to go there, which she deserves, she can't get there with me. I think she'd like to. I think she thinks I'd be great husband/ daddy material. I know I think she's great mommy/ wife material. I just don't think I’m in the market for one of those.

She's taking her time to sort out her feelings, and then she'll tell me what's on her mind. I'm pretty sure it's a discussion of our long term prospects. Which she knows will scare me. So she's being careful. Probably trying to figure out how to have that chat, be emotionally honest and still have a chance of getting the outcome she'd like. I just don't think there's a way for that to happen. She needs to be finding a father for her kids soon, and I'm not that guy.

I'd totally hook her up with my DNA if she wanted to borrow some. But she doesn't want just the DNA. Her dad mattered so much to her, she wants someone who wants to be a dad. All I can offer is sperm donor.