Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Logic + Bible = Happy fun time

I was web surfing and found some dark corner of the Internet in which 35% of the folks thought evolution was "a lie". And 61% said homosexuality was a sin. "Read Leviticus." As if that's the final answer.

So I responded:

If we take the bible as the final word on what is and isn't sin, and if, even further, we're going to take Leviticus as a legitimate arbiter of what's sin and what's not (a la hot_gamama), then we find ourselves having to accept as sinful many things that our modern sensibilities might find quite harmless.

For example, Leviticus 3:17 would have us not eating any fat. At all. Because all the fat belongs to Jehovah. Prime rib, anyone?

Leviticus 11:6-7 rules out rabbit and pork. Bacon, anyone? Oops, that's a sin. Jehovah very angry you eat his bacon. Now he smite you with pestilence, or something.

Leviticus 11:10 is where we lose lobster, clams, mussels, scallops and crab to sin. And since this is the bible, and it's Leviticus, it's a sin. Because the bible said so. Red Lobster: For people who want to go to hell.

To make up for this, Leviticus 11:22 enumerates the bugs we can eat. Which is nice. For when you want to do some un-sinful bug eating. Bible scoreboard says,"Eating bugs: OK! Eating bacon: EVIL!"

Helpful hints for all you moms out there on a tough issue of etiquette that you won't find adequately addressed in any Martha Stewart book: What's the appropriate animal sacrifice after giving birth? Leviticus 12 has all the answers. Quick hint: Rams & pigeons are always in style.

Leviticus 18:22 is where it implies that sex between two men is bad, but only assuming the listener is a heterosexual male. Doesn't rule out lesbianism, though, so that kind of homosexuality seems just fine. Actually "And you must not lie down with a male the same as you lie down with a woman" just says "don't be bi". Seems you just have to have a preference to please Jehovah. I know the lesbians don't lie with a male the same way they lie with a woman. Seems they're actually fine.

In Leviticus 19:19, in the same chapter as we get "YOU people must not steal, and YOU must not deceive, and YOU must not deal falsely anyone with his associate," we also get "...you must not put upon yourself a garment of two sorts of thread, mixed together." Stealing: EVIL! Cotton-lycra yoga pants? Also EVIL!

So all this fun bible study time seems to leave us with two choices:

  1. Accept Leviticus and/ or the bible as the final word on right and wrong, and give up bacon, pick up animal sacrifice, call same sex sexual expression a sin and have an entirely consistent set of beliefs.


  2. Recognize that "The bible says to act thusly, ergo, we should" isn't such a great argument for proclaiming what is and what's not right conduct. Assuming you like lobster and don't want to kill and burn a ram every time you have a baby. And you wear cotton-lycra yoga pants.