Marriage Myth & Reality
We've got this icon for enduring love in our culture of an elderly couple holding hands and shuffling through the park. Ah, to still be in love after a lifetime together.
I don't know about you, but I don't know a single couple like that. Most of the old couples I know have reached some kind of detente after a long trench war. "I won't bug your little world if you don't bother mine. Please pass the potatoes." They may go for walks, but they don't hold hands. They are platonic roommates.
I think relationship myths like this create unattainable standards for relationships, which make people dissatisfied with their very normal situations. I think these myths about the bliss of marriage are perpetuated by the same religious conservative forces that preach damnation of modern values, and then boink the church secretary on the side.
Let's all tell the truth about human nature and the true level of happiness attainable within an institution.
In most species in which males are larger than females, males compete to have access to many females. None of our primate cousins are monogamous. They are far from it. Early bible folk had many wives and concubines. Many cultures on the planet are non monogamous. The number of Americans with just one or fewer lifetime sexual partners is scant. So let's stop pretending that the natural order is to live happily in monogamy forever. We're biologically designed to spread our genes around.
The entire strategy of having male and female sexes is that the two gender manifestations of the same genetic material alternatively maximize the two competing genetic interests. Genes want to be passed on, and must both spread themselves around and make good choices about the genes with which they mix, since the mixing will influence their future odds of being spread. Males spread the genes as broadly as possible. Females screen for only the best genes. Quantity and quality. So one good male is going to get access to many females. It's what's best for the species, and requires non-monogamous behavior. It's wired into us. "Marriage" needs to change. And it has: We've institutionalized serial monogamy by accepting marriage, divorce and re-marriage. We're now doing what our genes want us to.
And with that, I will never win political office in the South.
I don't know about you, but I don't know a single couple like that. Most of the old couples I know have reached some kind of detente after a long trench war. "I won't bug your little world if you don't bother mine. Please pass the potatoes." They may go for walks, but they don't hold hands. They are platonic roommates.
I think relationship myths like this create unattainable standards for relationships, which make people dissatisfied with their very normal situations. I think these myths about the bliss of marriage are perpetuated by the same religious conservative forces that preach damnation of modern values, and then boink the church secretary on the side.
Let's all tell the truth about human nature and the true level of happiness attainable within an institution.
In most species in which males are larger than females, males compete to have access to many females. None of our primate cousins are monogamous. They are far from it. Early bible folk had many wives and concubines. Many cultures on the planet are non monogamous. The number of Americans with just one or fewer lifetime sexual partners is scant. So let's stop pretending that the natural order is to live happily in monogamy forever. We're biologically designed to spread our genes around.
The entire strategy of having male and female sexes is that the two gender manifestations of the same genetic material alternatively maximize the two competing genetic interests. Genes want to be passed on, and must both spread themselves around and make good choices about the genes with which they mix, since the mixing will influence their future odds of being spread. Males spread the genes as broadly as possible. Females screen for only the best genes. Quantity and quality. So one good male is going to get access to many females. It's what's best for the species, and requires non-monogamous behavior. It's wired into us. "Marriage" needs to change. And it has: We've institutionalized serial monogamy by accepting marriage, divorce and re-marriage. We're now doing what our genes want us to.
And with that, I will never win political office in the South.
posted by Kenneth at 10:51 AM
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