I'm a Boring Old Man
A business school classmate offered to introduce me to someone. While I'm certainly not "looking", I define myself as "open to whatever happens". A friend reminds me that I am, technically and legally, still married. And I'm sure as hell not looking for something marriage-track to happen, anyway. But I wanted to put myself out there, see what happens, and encourage people's kindnesses.
My classmate proposed a casual set-up, in which we could all get together for drinks or something, and most of us would know each other. Sounded OK. I sure as hell don't want to go on any blind dates. I think a real "date" requires that I have some kind of clarity about my goals, and I'm far from clear. I think the best I can articulate my current state is "Girls are pretty. I like girls. I like sex. I'm lonely, a little. I don't have any idea what kinds of people are out there." Hardly suggestive of what I should be doing, but all of those would be aspects of my swirling bag of motivations.
I expected it'd be a drinks after work thing, no biggie. Meet for an hour, talk, leave.
Background: During a typical week, on Monday through Thursday, I get up at 5 am to row. Those nights I go to bed around 9 or 9:30. I'm a boring old man. Fridays I may sleep in till 6. Saturdays I'm up at 6 for 6:30 practice. In Boston, the girlfriend of a teammate of mine on the Saturday night after the first day of the Head of the Charles, at around 8 PM, said "I like rower parties cuz no one smokes. But they suck because all of you are ready for bed at 9:30." It was true. We were all nodding off in our beer at about 8:45.
So when I got the email Friday morning at about 6am, which had been sent the previous evening long after I'd been in bed, that the earliest we could meet was 11:30 PM Friday night, I about choked. That's 2 hours past my bed time.
Not wanting to dis the work my classmate had done to make the evening happen, I decided to go for it. I hoped to nap before going out. At 7pm, I wasn't tired. But at 9:30, I was. All I wanted to do was undress and crawl in bed. I didn't care to drive into SF. I didn't want a drink. I wanted to sleep. So I slept.
The problem was that we were supposed to meet up about 10:30, which meant leaving at 10, which meant hitting the shower at 9:30. By napping, I was choosing to show up late. I napped. Hard. I awoke at 11, yelled, "Oh, shit", and made an executive decision not to shower, just to shave, to yank on clothes that seemed approporiate, and head out. I called my friend to tell her I'd be late.
I got to the wine bar at about 11:45. The good news was that none of the "set-up guests" had yet arrived. The bad news was that the bar closed at midnight, and had locked the front door. As I waited for my friends to exit, an attractive brunette arrived. I figured this was Kimberley. My friends exited, it was in fact the set-up girl, and the evening was on.
After determining that none of the places that were still open were ideal: Too loud & crowded, we went back to my classmate's place for a glass of wine. By then, the set-up guy for my other classmate, Suzann, had arrived, so 6 of us are there. And then my subconscious made a fantastically illustrative move:
Three couches, arranged in a U. Suzann (also being set-up) sits on one side of couch 2. Kimberly sits on one side of couch 1. No one else has entered the room. I sit... With my classmate Suzann on couch 2. Antonia (setter-upper) and her husband join us on couch 3, and Grant takes his place with Kimberley on couch 1. I didn't think much of it at the time. Part of it was that Kimberley's couch was more "love seat" than couch, and plunking down next to her with only 3 people in the room would have been too conspicuously "Hi, I'm Ken, and I'm your set-up for the evening. Let's talk and see if we can casually find reason to exchange phone numbers and go on a date some time". Bleh. Not me. I think deep down, I'm just not feeling like chasing anything. If it happens, it happens. But I'm not putting on the moves. I'm not looking for any "dates".
Sadly, this may have meant Suzann didn't get to have the 1 on 1 conversation with Grant (her set-up guy), but I apologized yesterday and told her next time I do something like that, just elbow me in the ribs.
Anyway, that was my night. Keep me up past my bed time, and I get grumpy. Sometimes I'd rather sleep than chase girls. This is good to know.
My classmate proposed a casual set-up, in which we could all get together for drinks or something, and most of us would know each other. Sounded OK. I sure as hell don't want to go on any blind dates. I think a real "date" requires that I have some kind of clarity about my goals, and I'm far from clear. I think the best I can articulate my current state is "Girls are pretty. I like girls. I like sex. I'm lonely, a little. I don't have any idea what kinds of people are out there." Hardly suggestive of what I should be doing, but all of those would be aspects of my swirling bag of motivations.
I expected it'd be a drinks after work thing, no biggie. Meet for an hour, talk, leave.
Background: During a typical week, on Monday through Thursday, I get up at 5 am to row. Those nights I go to bed around 9 or 9:30. I'm a boring old man. Fridays I may sleep in till 6. Saturdays I'm up at 6 for 6:30 practice. In Boston, the girlfriend of a teammate of mine on the Saturday night after the first day of the Head of the Charles, at around 8 PM, said "I like rower parties cuz no one smokes. But they suck because all of you are ready for bed at 9:30." It was true. We were all nodding off in our beer at about 8:45.
So when I got the email Friday morning at about 6am, which had been sent the previous evening long after I'd been in bed, that the earliest we could meet was 11:30 PM Friday night, I about choked. That's 2 hours past my bed time.
Not wanting to dis the work my classmate had done to make the evening happen, I decided to go for it. I hoped to nap before going out. At 7pm, I wasn't tired. But at 9:30, I was. All I wanted to do was undress and crawl in bed. I didn't care to drive into SF. I didn't want a drink. I wanted to sleep. So I slept.
The problem was that we were supposed to meet up about 10:30, which meant leaving at 10, which meant hitting the shower at 9:30. By napping, I was choosing to show up late. I napped. Hard. I awoke at 11, yelled, "Oh, shit", and made an executive decision not to shower, just to shave, to yank on clothes that seemed approporiate, and head out. I called my friend to tell her I'd be late.
I got to the wine bar at about 11:45. The good news was that none of the "set-up guests" had yet arrived. The bad news was that the bar closed at midnight, and had locked the front door. As I waited for my friends to exit, an attractive brunette arrived. I figured this was Kimberley. My friends exited, it was in fact the set-up girl, and the evening was on.
After determining that none of the places that were still open were ideal: Too loud & crowded, we went back to my classmate's place for a glass of wine. By then, the set-up guy for my other classmate, Suzann, had arrived, so 6 of us are there. And then my subconscious made a fantastically illustrative move:
Three couches, arranged in a U. Suzann (also being set-up) sits on one side of couch 2. Kimberly sits on one side of couch 1. No one else has entered the room. I sit... With my classmate Suzann on couch 2. Antonia (setter-upper) and her husband join us on couch 3, and Grant takes his place with Kimberley on couch 1. I didn't think much of it at the time. Part of it was that Kimberley's couch was more "love seat" than couch, and plunking down next to her with only 3 people in the room would have been too conspicuously "Hi, I'm Ken, and I'm your set-up for the evening. Let's talk and see if we can casually find reason to exchange phone numbers and go on a date some time". Bleh. Not me. I think deep down, I'm just not feeling like chasing anything. If it happens, it happens. But I'm not putting on the moves. I'm not looking for any "dates".
Sadly, this may have meant Suzann didn't get to have the 1 on 1 conversation with Grant (her set-up guy), but I apologized yesterday and told her next time I do something like that, just elbow me in the ribs.
Anyway, that was my night. Keep me up past my bed time, and I get grumpy. Sometimes I'd rather sleep than chase girls. This is good to know.
posted by Kenneth at 8:36 AM
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