Monday, January 16, 2006

Weekend Update

Friday night out to dinner with friends in SF. Walking back to the car, pass a homeless guy with a sign:

Please give to the united Negro Pizza fund

Saturday night I went to dinner with classmates & classmates' roommate, M, whom I'd met on a few occasions. (I'm going to run out of M's and K's. When I use an initial, does that give away the plot?) They asked for a restaurant close to the dance club they wanted to go to. I proposed the tapas-style brew pub that I favor, and when I arrived, all three of the ladies had already arrived and ordered... wine & sangria. I abused them heartily for the gross faux pas. This is a brew pub. You drink the beer. I ordered the winter Boch and gave a prompt lesson on why all black beer isn't bitter.

I had never been to a proper dance club in SF. There were women with various wardrobe-based advertising strategies. Some were down right hoochie. Some had moved too far down the spectrum from "wow" to "Tammy Fae Baker". But many were downright hot.

I knew dancing was the order of the evening, so I got another drink in me. It was ideal circumstances for me: Packed floor. I'm a lot less self conscious, and I just like being crammed in with joyful people.

Danced a lot with my friends, but found that M and I ended up on the floor together without the others, which was fine. My classmate MB, who scares me, wanted to move on: She was on the prowl, but, preferring the gray-haired types, wanted a more target-rich environment. At the coat check, I looked at my watch. It was midnight. I should bail. M decided to relieve me of my watch, and encouraged me to just have fun tonight.

And that's what I did. I chose to be in the moment, and not to over think things too much.

We walked through the sketchy 6th & Mission region, past some clubs, and eventually ended up here. The average age in this club was about 13 years older than the prior club, at around 38. It was an older, and more conspicuously desperate club. I noticed several men, who I knew were just trying to find someone to meet. Scanning, scanning. To shy/ awkward/ etc to know how to approach someone. The women were older, too, and also had that "I really need to meet someone" feel. That was a little sad, to me.

Live band that transitioned to DJ. In the picture you can see the dance floor, and that it is surrounded by windows overlooking the city. Great view. M & I got drinks and hit the dance floor. I was thirsty and drank my beer fast. We danced. It was fun. It was packed. Dancing got rather sensual. I had a moment of "Do I really want to be doing this with her?" followed by a moment of "Fuck it, let go, just be, have fun". So I closed my eyes, and let the world melt away.

The club communicated it was time to go by bringing the lights up pretty fast around 2, and playing the Hallelujah chorus from Handel's Messiah. Yeah. Odd, but effective.

I wanted a donut. Instead we hit a diner, where I got some french toast. Sitting in the booth across from us was Brian Posehn.

He was on "just shoot me" and does stand up. Dude is seriously tall.

After eating, we walked across town to my car, and I drove M home, while my other classmate with his car drove my classmate L (M's roommate and good friend on whom I have a massive crush). M offered me my watch back during the ride. I told her I had hoped she'd have used the leverage to greater advantage. She chose to hang on to it.

By now it was pushing 3, and I came in with M, sat around with folks, and accepted the previous offer in the evening to just spend the night.

I seek to be discreet in blogging these matters, but I also want to articulate certain things. I give myself big points for deciding to clear up some ambiguity and talk with M about what was going on. I made it clear that I wasn't expecting anything more than cuddling and unconsciousness. I asked her if she was going to be ok with me not sleeping in my jeans. It all went well. Just nice to know I can call a time out and initiate some communication.

It's odd though, because I don't know what, if anything, I should do now. She's cool, I like her, but I'm not sure whether I seek to date her, for many reasons. L is in a relationship I don't think is gonna work. I think L and I could work very well. But if I've "messed around" with her roommate and good friend? I don't think they're all as casual about these things as they say they are. So I may have just flushed all my chances with L. Not that they may have been great. But maybe this will be a consequence of saying "ah, fuck it" and just going with what feels ok in that moment. That said, if some kissing and some cuddling counts as belonging to M, this seems pretty junior high. Is M gonna expect me to call? What if I don't? What if I do? Ah, fuck it. If those magic words can get me into a situation, they can get me out.

Got up a 7 am, drove home, loaded the car and drove to Squaw valley to ski on the new snow. It was a long day. Spent many hours in the car for not quite as much skiing as I'd hoped, but I had fun, and got my ski legs back. By the end, I felt like I was moving well again.

My classmate S (of the Labor day cabin trip) was there, so we hung out, and she rode with me to Sacramento going home, where she picked up her car. She then really helped me stay awake the rest of the way home. I was really fighting sleepiness hard.

Arrived home after midnight, slept till 9:30.

I'm off to row and have date 2 with girl 1.