Thursday, February 09, 2006

I wish it were a kidney stone

Went to the doctor today. No blood in the urine, so probably not a stone. Some manual poking around and the doc notices that my tender spot (right next to my bladder) feels like some intestine that's (his word) "distended". He ordered a CT scan for Tuesday. Happy Valentine's to me.

I'm concerned. Uncertainty freaks me out. I can feel the thing he found. It's there. I'm not symmetrical. And I fear it because I can feel it pressing against the inner workings of all my man parts. Feels like blood flow's getting a bit constricted. The right nut's feeling a little owie. I've recently noticed other activities involving my man parts have been connected with that same pain. Such that my interest isn't what it used to be. I like sex and plan on having quite a bit more of it before I die. So I'm pretty nervous.

What's the problem? How will it be solved? What are the risks? Surgery? Recovery time? Laproscopically, I hope? How did it get there? Will this happen again?

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."