Seething

Between the work stress, the lack of sleep and, I think, my not getting up and going to bed early, I'm really angry. I've got that seething aggression just under the skin that makes me a bit dangerous. Working out keeps it away. I think my working out again brought it back, a bit. I'm just ready to loose it, and it's bad.

Tonight I'll be at the Giant's game with friends from business school. My brother will arrive, and I'll row tomorrow morning. I hope I'm in a decent boat. I think that'll chill me out.

Oh, and I have a job interview next week.

Actually, I know where it's coming from. One of my independent consulting clients has adopted a rather condescending tone with me, and it's infuriating. I've resisted the temptation to call her out and show her up publically. Because that wouldn't be productive. But damn, I want to. And the unresolved anger wants to get out.

Even if I haven't got the correct outlook, I can say I haven't taken incorrect action. So this is good. By Monday I'll have renewed patience. And I did tack on a "client is a bitch" premium to my fees for this project. So I signed up for this and am being compensated accordingly.

The truly Zen perspective on this is that I'd not be so angry if I didn't have ego. It's my unfulfilled desire to be the expert and to feel respected that's causing my anger.