Feeling a bit like a scoundrel
For that matter, I'm feeling a bit crappy. Woke up with the same crampy ouchiness I had last night, which I have the CT scan for today. I hope the doctors find something conclusive. I'm going to work on writing stuff for work from home this morning. I had been afraid that by the time they were doing tests, I'd be all better. I wish that fear had come true. Better to be looked at derisively as a hypochondriac crybaby than to be genuinely suffering.
Scoundrel: Well, looks like M and I are done. During our first (and likely now, last) IM conversation yesterday, she started asking about my evening plans today. After saying something vague about how I didn't know how long things with the doctors would take, she started to get more specific about my availability. I told her I had plans. She asked if it was a date. I told her it was. She felt "like a fool". I felt like an asshole.
Seems she hadn't quite understood that I was actually seeing other people. I'm not sure how she missed this point, given that after we had the chat the first time, she told me she couldn't deal with that. Then she decided to "see where things go" and agreed that I should keep her aware of where things were at with me so she didn't suffer any surprises. So I figured we had a don't ask, don't tell policy. Seems she figured she'd just take up all my free time and there'd be no room for anyone else.
She sure teased me a lot about my "many women", especially for one who really didn't know I was dating others. Made me think she understood, given that I was just about ready to tell her to knock it off because it was making me feel uncomfortable.
So we talked. Friends had counseled me that not to end things would be cruel. I know I've never been good at making break ups happen, and I need to get better at that. I'm out here to acquire dating skills, afterall. Ending things is one of those skills. But M had her mind all made up already. It was civil, but I could tell she was hurt. She had a hard time understanding how I could be with her as I had and be with others, too. Either I'm a "big liar or have a big heart". I'd like to think it's the latter. I never lied to her. I may have hidden some of the pieces of the truth, but I didn't feel like I needed to be in her face about the rest of my life. I still feel bad.
A friend counseled me that 98% of women can't deal with me seeing other people, though of them, 99% will think they can or will try. And women my age seem to be wanting not to "waste time" with relationships that "aren't going anywhere". Maybe I need to check out some 25 year olds.
Right now, I'm not feeling much like dating.
Scoundrel: Well, looks like M and I are done. During our first (and likely now, last) IM conversation yesterday, she started asking about my evening plans today. After saying something vague about how I didn't know how long things with the doctors would take, she started to get more specific about my availability. I told her I had plans. She asked if it was a date. I told her it was. She felt "like a fool". I felt like an asshole.
Seems she hadn't quite understood that I was actually seeing other people. I'm not sure how she missed this point, given that after we had the chat the first time, she told me she couldn't deal with that. Then she decided to "see where things go" and agreed that I should keep her aware of where things were at with me so she didn't suffer any surprises. So I figured we had a don't ask, don't tell policy. Seems she figured she'd just take up all my free time and there'd be no room for anyone else.
She sure teased me a lot about my "many women", especially for one who really didn't know I was dating others. Made me think she understood, given that I was just about ready to tell her to knock it off because it was making me feel uncomfortable.
So we talked. Friends had counseled me that not to end things would be cruel. I know I've never been good at making break ups happen, and I need to get better at that. I'm out here to acquire dating skills, afterall. Ending things is one of those skills. But M had her mind all made up already. It was civil, but I could tell she was hurt. She had a hard time understanding how I could be with her as I had and be with others, too. Either I'm a "big liar or have a big heart". I'd like to think it's the latter. I never lied to her. I may have hidden some of the pieces of the truth, but I didn't feel like I needed to be in her face about the rest of my life. I still feel bad.
A friend counseled me that 98% of women can't deal with me seeing other people, though of them, 99% will think they can or will try. And women my age seem to be wanting not to "waste time" with relationships that "aren't going anywhere". Maybe I need to check out some 25 year olds.
Right now, I'm not feeling much like dating.
posted by Kenneth at 8:37 AM
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