Officially divorced

Barring any drastically unforseable circumstances, I'll be unofficially divorced on Monday.

Seems my ex has chosen to sign the settlement agreement. I'll sign it Monday morning, write her a big-ass check, and it will be filed. It will go into effect at the end of this year. We'll remain legally married through '06 so I can continue to extend health benefits to her.

On one hand, it's good to have it over and done with. On the other, it's terribly sad and final. To see where we started and to see where we ended up. So many people, many years after our wedding, raved about it. This split shocked so many people. They thought we were so happy.

I still have happy memories. I still know her and love her.

But we're a very, very bad match. We can't communicate at all, and have fundamentally different assumptions about roles and responsibilities in a relationship.

So on Monday, it'll be done.

I've been trying to think of what to do with my wedding ring. Selling it seems crass. I want some ritual, maybe something shared with friends. It's not a good riddance thing, more a transformational thing. I'd like it melted and reforged as something. What that would be, I don't know.

And I suppose I'll have to put the remaining photo albums lying about my apartment in the back of the hall closet with all the other pictures, now. That breaks my heart. I can't bear to destroy them. Can't bear to see them.