Sunday, April 30, 2006

I got no game & I'm proud

Saturday night I was out at a friend and classmate's 40th birthday informal celebration at a bar in SF. Another classmate and friend was there with his wife, and his wife's friend, M, who's finishing her psychiatric residency. (Yes, another M).

I had met this M before, at another classmate's party. We were introduced, and it was clear folks were trying to set us up. I talked with her then, but didn't really feel a spark. She was bright enough, and was tall and fit (and blonde, but I won't hold it against her). She just seemed to be putting forward a persona, but not really showing who she was. I just didn't feel I had any access to the inner her. Can't have chemistry if the reactive surfaces never come in contact.

My friend the birthday boy, who knows I'm on the market pulled me aside. He's very direct, and not very PC.

"You should hit on the psychiatrist. She's hot, nice body. Go for it."

"But I really don't feel much of a spark there"

"Have another drink"

One plays scrimmages, friendlies, pre-season games to get tuned up for when the score really does matter. I've decided I need to meet people in the real world. May as well practice when I don't care if I get shot down.

She was about to leave, with my friends. I asked her if she lived in SF. Told her I was going to head out, and offered to drop her at her place. I figured a few extra moments outside of the loud bar would be good, and really, I just wanted to practice asking for more time.

She agreed, we left, though she asked that we slow down so that we wouldn't be seen by friends and rumors wouldn't fly. My thought: High school is over. "OmiGod! Did you see her talking to Kenneth! She's such a slut! I hear she went back to his car with him and they did it!"

We're grown ups. You can write prescriptions for powerful, mind altering substances. I think you can leave a bar with a guy without giving a fuck what anyone thinks?

She asked me if I wanted to grab a drink some place. I figure, can't hurt. We find another local bar and hang there till last call. Conversation was interesting, but intellectual. I tried to ask a few questions to get us onto something where I could understand what she was about as a soul, not just a mind. Didn't get much.

Walked back to the car, dropped her off. She took off her seatbelt. I didn't. I thought about it, but, not feeling any connection, didn't expect anything. I think I hugged her good night. On her way out of the car, she told me that our mutual friends had her info, if I wanted to be in touch. I told her the same was true for me. She kind of slammed the door. But it's the 21st century. Psychiatrists can ask business consultants out on dates. Clearly, I was expected to ask for digits. Clearly, I do not understand, care about nor play by the rules of the game. In the past, I was worried that I didn't know the rules. Now, I don't give a crap, and intend to come at the world my own way. Fuck the rules.

But ya know what? I think I'm going to try to ask her out. My goal will be to see if she's emotionally accessible at all. In fact, I think I want to be really straight forward with her: Hey, you're hot and single and obviously bright. I just want to see if we have anything in common emotionally.

Worst case, she's a dud, and I acquire more dating experience. Best case, she needs some signal from me that it's OK to lower the shields, and, after doing so, I find out she's a caring, gentle soul.