Saturday, May 27, 2006

Selfish Bitch

This is totally insane.

I can only tell my side of the story, of course, but my soon-to-be-ex-wife is out of her mind.

She wants things over quickly. Yet each time we walk away from mediation with an agreement, she comes back asking for changes. This, after I propose taking some time to think it over, and come back with no changes. It' s insane. If she wants it over and done with, she should stop rocking the boat and sign.

It's nuts. I have been, and continue to be, patient and civil. Which is part of why I'm ranting here. I don't say to her face what I want to, because that wouldn't be constructive. It wouldn't lead to the end goal of getting this over with. So I exercise restraint.

She, on the other hand, as she did when we were married, acts only based on her own feelings with complete indifference to the impact of her words and actions on others. She was rarely aware of, or generally indifferent to my feelings through the marriage. It's why I felt rejected and alienated and used and taken for granted. I really think she's just insensitive. I don't think she's evil. Just unaware that other people have feelings.

She, on the other had, has decided that I am pure evil. Since the lawyer's secretary, being not clued in on the state of affairs, sent out documents to both of us that listed my soon-to-be-ex's address in SF, which then informed me of her address, against my wife's wishes, she also let me know she was going to move. Because I know where she lives. Go for it, girl. She thinks I'm a malevolent stalker. In all honesty, the only time I've contemplated staking her place out was to see if she's telling the truth. I think she's working. Or living in MA. Something doesn't add up.

And part of me knows the path to an agreement requires me being conciliatory and making it work. But fuck that. That's how I was through the marriage. Giving in, sacrificing what I wanted for what she wanted, because I loved her and wanted to make her happy. Which is, generally an advisable approach in a marriage, as long as the other side loves you and wants to make you happy, too. In my case, I just ended up feeling like a chump.

She just wants to suck whatever financial resources from me she can right now. Bitch has 2 MBAs and an undergrad degree in biology. There's no reason for her not to be working. There's no reason for her to need my financial support. She wants to end ties with me? Get a damn job. Financial independence means never having to see me again. But as long as she's angling to live off of me in any way, she's going to have to give me something in return. I'm not going to roll over.

Our mediator has been rather hands off, and it's pissing me off. If she and I were capable of solving problems on our own, we'd not be divorcing. He needs to get in here, tell her she's destroying the opportunities for resolution, and needs to chill the fuck out and just be happy with what she's getting.

But I swallowed all that and wrote a fair and civil e-mail. Because I'm a grown up who can manage his feelings and reactions. And because I can keep sight of the big picture and the true goals.